Shattered

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding

Fall into your sunlight

The future's open wide, beyond believing

To know why, hope dies

Losing what was found, a world so hollow

Suspended in a compromise

The silence of this sound, is soon to follow

Somehow, sundown

And finding answers

Is forgetting all of the questions we called home

Passing the graves of the unknown

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading

Illusions of the sunlight

And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting

With love gone, for so long

And this day's ending

Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know

Knowing that faith, is all I hold

And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand

Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love

Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on

But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning

Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart

Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent

All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain

All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over

There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones

To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding

Fall into your sunlight

How could one feel so sorry but kept on making the same mistakes over and over again?

Yes I miss you, my annoying peanut. It felt so good talking to you again. :)

Two-Zero-One-Four

Now hi again.

I know I have abandoned this blog for gawdknowshowlong. Now I know nobody reads this except maybe some of the people who just happen to stumble upon my blog. No worries, I'm here for my new year resolution! But before that:

#np: The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather
In 2013, did you…
Fall in love with someone that was just a friend?

yea, I guess.

Lose any friends?

nope.
Make any new friends?

a lot, actually.
Make any new enemies?

I hope not.
Do anything you regret?

I don't think so. But yolo, remember? So no regrets.
Go to any parties?

yea, some cool parties.

Make much money?

Not THAT much but for me, it's more than enough although I kinda spent way too much of it.
Attend a wedding?

One or two, I don't remember.
Attend a funeral?

yea, gram's.
Get any new family members?

One or two nieces or nephews.
Get into a verbal fight?

yes, I should admit I was really childish but I'm just gonna put that in the past.
Get into a physical fight?

nooo
Attend any sporting events?

none. I've never really been into sports.
Get arrested?

Do I look like a criminal?
Wreck your car?

um don't have a car.
Make any big purchases?

not really.
Learn anything?

a lot. And I'm not talking about school stuff.
Dump your bf/gf?

no
Get dumped by your bf/gf?

no
Develop any new health problems?

I hope not. I'm not one of those health-freaks but I've been eating healthy (or I guess I had)
Change as a person?

I did. Good and bad.
Get any new piercings?

no, so far I only have ear-piercing.
Get any new tattoos?

noo
Attend a concert?

nope.
Start to resent something or someone that you used to like?

yea, you can say that.

In 2013, how many….
Different places did you work?

Only one.
Times did you go out drinking?

Not even once.

Times did you go to the movies?

A few times but not that many times. Around 5 or 6 times.
People did you make out with?

um none.
People asked you out?

It's been a really um quiet year on that department.

Crushes did you have?

I guess one (?) That was ..... embarrassing. :p

In 2013, what was….
Your favorite day of the year?

Favorite day? I guess my birthday? :p I always love birthdays.
Your favorite band?

A lot actually. But the Script has been on my playlist for like more than a year.
Your least favorite day of the year?

A lot actually. When I had the terrible fever on my birthday. What could be possibly worse than that?
Your favorite movie?

Catching Fire is awesomeeeeee.
Your favorite song of the year?

There were a lottttt. Can't mention it one by one. But right at this moment Counting Stars by OneRepublic!
Something that didn’t change at all this year?

Height, hair style, phone too.
Your favorite holiday?

Summer break. Went to Taiwan with my family and Cindy's family. It was really fun.

Misc. questions about 2013
Were you in a hospital this year?

no.
Were you in an ambulance this year?

nope.
Did you make any big confessions in ‘13?

Nothing big.
What’s the best thing to happen to you this year?

I guess my friends are. :)
Did you vote this year?

Noooo. Hopefully next year. :(
Did you bring sexy back this year?

Nah no :))
Was 2013 a great year, an average year or a bad year?

I think it's been a great year and I still don't want it to end yet.

Looking back to my last year's resolutions:

• study harder <<<< HAHAHA failed successfully. Eleventh grade's materials are hard as shit.
• save up some money ><<< I did try to save since I've started working but you know what happened to me when I saw sth really cute but I still managed to save up a really little amount of money. Well at least I tried. :p
• get a new Minnie Mouse for myself <<<< totally forgot about it until this moment.
• finish reading all the books I bought and borrowed ><<< finished 3 out of 10 :)) I just didn't have THAT much time between studying and teaching. 
• finish watching all my DVDs and tv series >><< good news is that I finished Gossip Girl just in time before new year's eve. :p As for DVDs I'm still trying to finish 'em.
• update this blog more often. <<<< failed this one too successfully. I barely had time to scroll through blogs.
• be productive. >>>> I'm totally productive this year. Student council, prom, teacher's day, A LOT :D:D
• be nice to everyone, literally. >><< can't say I didn't try but some people are just annoying as hell.
• practice guitar! <<<< I barely touched my guitar since May. Let alone practice.
• make something DIY-ed. <<<< except you count our movie project as DIY then I had none.
• decorate my bedroom. <<<< HAH thbis is embarrassing but I'm still sleeping with my mom and that bedroom of mine ( and my sisters') is pretty much not occupied.
• style my hair a little bit differently from last year. <<<< can't risk it :p
• practice my English. >><< my writing still sucks and so does my speaking. But I guess teaching kinda improves my English. 
• grab every chance I have and take risks; cherish every second of my life >><< didn't exactly cherish every second of my life but I am grateful for so many things this year had offered me. :)
• teach at Corpus. >>>< I made it! :) I kinda regret it coz it did affect my studies. But I enjoy it. :D

I'm not gonna make that long speech like I did every year. I'm just gonna sleep. This holiday has been reaaaaally boring. But before that,

* I learn how to drive. Took a five-day driving lesson. Can't say I nailed it. Still need to practice. Like a lot.

* After thinking about it over and over again, I decided to still teach at corpus. Because

* I'm going back to Budy's ifyouknowwhatimean :p But pft I'm gonna need to reschedule everything because of budy's schedule. That sucks.

* Finished GossipGirl, like I said just now. The finale is awesome. <3<3<3

* my report. Is going to be the worst report I'll ever have. I think I failed math. It's terrible.

I really wish this year would be awesome. And please don't disappoint me, 2014! 

See you when I see you.

Much love

xx <3

Scrt mssg

I think if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, well I'll remember this period of time. And I'll be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. And I think that's the best we can wish for.

It's been like what? Two years? And I think until this very moment, I still cherish everything I had with you. I'm also very grateful to have known you in my life. So I guess I just want to say I'm happy if you're happy too. Good for you. :)

xx

If I Die Young

Hello.

Isn't this little creature the cutest?

Visited this little coffee shop called Mixed Cafe.

And ps. my legs look really ... um terrifyingly huge but long (?) lol ok stop

I know you miss me. :p

I've finished my second monthly test and I'm pretty sure I failed all subjects, except for English, Mandarin and Bahasa. You know, I kinda regret taking science but now that I think of it, I will probably regret taking social class too as I don't like those Geography or Economics or Accounting or whatsoever related to the subjects (or not). I took science class because I know I don't like those social-based issues. But I don't like science subjects as well. It's just I find it hard to perceive even the most rudimentary thing about all those subjects.

Or maybe it's only a pretext that I made up, a plethora of alibis. Just because I'm too exhausted of all these pointless lessons that I'm sure I will not need.

So life has been exhausting as you know that I made an intrepid decision to teach. I found it hard at first as I did not have much experience about teaching other than teaching my friends or sisters. I was laconic at first, explaining grammar and reading texts briefly and explaining the meaning of hard words I don't know the bahasa by gesticulating wildly, hoping they would understand, whereas my students were reticent, as I was still a newbie there. Now I am always irate because now they are being so sluggish as they keep on talking to each other, or to me for that matter, badgering me with questions unrelated to the subject they're learning about. Often I need to cajole them into doing their work. Some of them are extremely adroit while some of them are just not so bright in English. Perhaps for some teachers it's hapless when you got those students under your watch ( actually it is too, for me ), but it's my job to enhance their basic skill of English. I am vigilant that I may seem like a wicked felon to them, but like all other teachers, I just want them to be able to use English properly. (hoek HAHA ok stop)

Guess what I just made a paragraph by using 15 from 20 vocabs that I should be learning as I will have a vocab review this Thursday. You might want to ignore some of the inappropriate usage of vocab as I place them very randomly all over the paragraph. Gosh I sound like a bitch.

Anyways, not that it's important but I have this weird thing that every time I want to talk about something I just can't get it out of my mind. And it's just stuck there. That's probably why I haven't felt like blogging this whole time. Also because I'm soooo tired of school and teaching and whatsoever torture I have in my current life. And oh, the damn short movie my friends and I made for our music class. Actually I made it and my friends acted in it. It took like a month but we didn't get a really satisfying score so it's like so very pointless that I want to stab the teacher's back with a knife. Wow okay that was something.

You're probably wondering where I have been. Well I've been preoccupied by these 3 guys (belle, cs, dro) who took most of my free time because they're just that awesome and fabulous and I love them and stuff oh whatever oh I mope. And hey, it's exactly a month since my last post. Typing feels weird. Yep.

And yes, this post is a very random one - I know that. But I've been crying my eyes out since yesterday because:
1. Bonnie's funeral or memorial is just so HEARTBREAKING. AND I HATE JEREMY FOR THAT.
2. FINN HUDSONNNNNNNNNNNNNN :'(
3. My life.
Now do you see why I've been grieving and crying and I just can't stop. It's really tiring to cry all day long and my eyes were swollen and got all puffy. Now I've got something to make you cry as well.

Now watch and weep. The first is Bonnie's memorial which happened to be so damn emotional that I cried right before I need to go to corpus yesterday. The second and the last are my favorite grieve songs now.

This one sucks. Check this one out instead. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGJV-dmLWNU&feature=youtube_gdata

This month has been hectic and tiring.

But as always, I know I'll be alright.

ps. Thanks to someone for always believing in me, even when I can't believe in myself anymore.

Till later

xx

ps. Happy early Halloween. #Spookytown #spookylife

For All Eternity

I just really need to post this now.

Blaine : "We met right here. I took this man's hand and we ran down that hallway, and for those of you that know me know that I'm not in the habit of taking people's hand that I've never met before, but I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn't know yet. It knew that our hands were meant to hold each other fearlessly and forever, which is why it's never really felt like I've been getting to know you, it's always felt like I was remembering you from something, as if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love, all over again, over and over, for all eternity and I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I wanna do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me? 

Kurt : "Yes."

AAAAAA I'm literally being all teary during this scene. Do check the video out in a few days.

500 Miles

No one ever seemed to be scared of losing me, but that was before you came to my life. :)

Returning from cs' house for movie-making.

We are the crazy people. 

Cloud 999

HAHAHHAHAHHHHAHA

At thamrin before watching smurfs 2

We know we're ohsuhm

Mana lebih jelek?

Indoor and outdoor. And btw, I love my not-so-new dreamcatcher necklace. Hehehehe

My annoying yet cute cousin. 

"Because I know it's always been you all along."

I swear we did not have any intention to wear the same t-shirt. We just happen to show up wearing the same hush puppies shirts, only in different colour.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

till then.

xx

Kambing Jantan

"Aku berantakan kalo ga ada kamu."
:)

Six

I normally wouldn't have the guts to say this, but make this an exception.
I wouldn't address these to anybody, but be my guest and feel free to guess. (hey it rhymes!)

6 statements for 6 different person

You've been really weird. And I hate that I don't know what's wrong. But unless you start to be open to me, I'm not going to ask you or even bother to. I know I'm mean. But honestly, I don't really care anymore. People drift away but I hope we won't.
I know I've been a bitch lately, but hey, look at yourself.
Stop disturbing me. I'm busy and I don't like you. ugh.
Thank you for being there for me through all these days.
Thank you for listening to my rants and everything.
Thank you for everything you've given me. Thank you for cheering me up when I'm upset. Thank you for always encouraging me to do my best. Thank you for making my days so colorful everyday. I hope you realize that you are somehow special to me.

April has been so great and I've been really busy all the time. I barely have time for myself. Prom, parade, student exchange test, music projects, school assignments, conversation classes. Gawd, I need to relax. Will post more soon. I promise.

Master of sarcasm I am.
Ily. Don't get me wrong, it stands for I loathe you.

xxxx

Ungodly Hour

Have you ever felt so unwanted? And it feels like the whole world is denying you and everybody is leaving you. That everything is not exactly like it used to be, like you want it to be. And it just feels like you want to leave everything behind, give everything up, because all this is so not fair to you. And you want to fix it. But you don't know how. And even if you know how, you don't know if it'll work. All you know is that you want to be through with this and go back to what it used to be. Because your past is so much better than this.

I know, I'm too strong to give up. So I'm still holding on. I'm holding on to the people I love, to the things I love, to everything, that I look so pathetic. I have been my worst self lately. It's like I have a reminder in my head that reminds me every second of my life that I'm a mess. This isn't right. And the worst part is that you can't do anything about it. Maybe I can try and convince myself that it's all gonna be okay, but the truth is it isn't and it won't be okay.
This is too pointless.

I have too many things in my head. I have so much to say to everybody. But I just can't get the right words. I can't get anything right and it sucks. It sucks that I can't explain what I feel. It sucks that every time I want to explain everything, it just disappears. Maybe I'm scared. Maybe I'm not. Who knows? I don't even know anymore.

But you told me to hold on. So I guess I'd try. Happy birthday, A.

But it turns out some people can't be fixed...

- Caroline Forbes 

Whatsoever Called "Me"

HAHAHAHA my sister's christmas hat

my sucky long bangs. :<

It's not short enough to just let it down. And it's not long enough to comb it aside. So I'll just wait till it gets longer and see which choice is better. What do you think? 

I kinda miss school already. But then when I think about it again, I'll probably whine about how much better holiday is when I get to school. But it's so much better when you're tired because you go to school and actually do things then when you're at home and you're tired because you do exactly nothing, no?

Well, sucks for me, all of us actually, because school starts in 2 days. We obviously need a longer holiday. And oh, with much more better things to do than just sitting in front of your laptop watching gossip girl all day. Well, that's good too, but I prefer going out. With whoever, doing whatever.

Visiting Grams in an hour.

Better stop now.

xxxxxxxx

HOLIDAYSSS!

OH HI THERE!

This blog is like sooooooo dead. Basically, this blog was made so that I can express my feelings and thoughts, to write about things that have happened in my life, to mark important moments in my life. Well, since I've been busier than I have ever been in my entire life, I don't think I can actually update this blog as often as I used to. :( I promise myself to work my ass off this semester. Plus I don't really got the feel to blog, you know? I'm free all day long. Guess what I've been doing half of my holiday? Yep, slacking around watching gossip girl and vampire diaries. Well, haven't posted anything for almost forever. Well, I did but it's just one or two lazy posts and it's something I took from tumblr. And now I'm forcing myself to post something again. It's really weird because I loved to blog. Like really. And then suddenly I just don't feel like blogging anymore. It just happened.

Anyways, since I still don't know what to type here, so I'll just do this first. I found this while scrolling down my blog just now. :P It's what I posted last year.


Gotten a new piercing. I had my ears pierced :D
Dyed my hair.
Ended a relationship.
Started a new relationship.
Been on a long a car journey. If 3 hours is long enough hehehe
Passed an exam.
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.
Cried on someone’s shoulder.
Had a massive fight with a boyfriend.
Recieved flowers.
Had a Valentine. 
Written a letter using pen and paper.
Gone to see a therapist.
Been prescriped medication by a doctor.
Read a really good book.
Gone to the zoo.
Spent too much money on unnecessary things. typical meh. :P
Travelled by train.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex. I guess you can say it that way.
Spent a day out in the sun getting a tan.
Slammed a door out of frustration. always :P
Had an anxiety attack. 
Babysat for a friend’s child.
Had a BBQ.
Gone to the fair.
Gone bowling.
Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.
Gone on a date.
Been the only sober one on a night out.
Helped someone home after they’d had too much to drink.
Stayed up all night.
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
Supported someone who’d recieved bad news. :(
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
Bought a DVD the day it was released.
Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
Met some incredible new people.
Gone to several great parties.
Fallen backwards off a chair.
Broken my glasses. I scratched it :(
Worn a watch for the first time in years.
Cried over someone in my past.
Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.
Thrown up due to food poisoning.
Cried over a film. I'm such a crybaby
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boyfriend. trust me, it's awkward
Fought with someone in public. 

Okay, done with this. Now what? #np Trainwreck - Demi Lovato. I remember loving this song. lol
Ehmmm, merry christmas and happy new year!
This is so awkward. I don't know what to sayyyy. lol

Next part, resolutions. Believe me, this is the first resolutions I ever have.

• study harder so that I don't get kicked out of the class. Work my ass off!
• save up some money.
• get a new Minnie Mouse for myself. My old one which I already have since I was 5 is old enough to be replaced. Well, it's still so fluffy. And God knows how much I love it. :(
• finish reading all the books I bought and borrowed. I have literally 2 I bought last year and 1 I bought last week, 3 borrowed from cindy and 1 from thea, 2 given from my friends as my birthday present. See how many there are?
• finish watching all my DVDs. I haven't even watched the ones I bought last year. Plus I have to catch up some tv series. 
• update this blog more often. And of course, blog as in write something about myself, not copy-pasting.
• be productive. Well, since I'm in the student council now (yes, I'm in the student council!!!!), that won't be a problem. We're always busy kepochiang-ing.
• be nice to everyone, literally. I've been the worst friend ever for the last few months.
• practice guitar! I hope I mastered all the hard chords by the end of nest year.
• make something DIY-ed.
• decorate my bedroom.
• style my hair a little bit differently from last year.
• practice my English. Writing and speaking, especially.
• grab every chance I have and take risks; cherish every second of my life
• teach at Corpus. I wishhhhh!!!!!!!!!! Sir Franky offered me to teach BE class at corpus. I want to, but I don't know if I can spare some time between my tight schedules to teach there.

There are literally a lotttttt that I'd love to talk about. It's just I've already forgotten half the things I wanted to say. lol

Anw, since I'm such a kind person, I'm going to introduce her to you. I promised her that I'd post sth about her. :P There you gooooo.

Jessie "Memet" Metaurine

Twitter acc : @jessiemetaurine

You know where to find her ;)

Alright thennn, I'm off to sleep.

Eyes are burning.

xoxo

Lotsofloveeee

31st August 2012

Hiiiiii.

I swear today is that one day when the people were united because of something. And today, I swear, again, is one of those sad days where you have to say goodbye to your friends. Goodbyes sucks. It always does.

First of all, I love them. I hate them too. The feeling is like equal? It's like I hate them but I love them. Hate them but love them. Hate them but love them. Hate them but love them. How can I explain this without making people confused? -.- It was just awesome. To have that one day to be like kind of united, I guess? Yea, we're all in that "love-hate" feeling. Okay, I'll try explaining it one more time. It's like we say we hate each other but deep down inside, we know we love each other. And it's like the "we can literally scream at each other like we hate each other but in the end, we hug each other like we're best friends" kind of feeling. Okay. Or I could say "Brothers and sisters fight. But they're still brothers and sisters." Yep. I know I suck at writing.

So tomorrow is September and bam, class changes. I stay though. But some don't. And it's sad. Even though their class is only like 50 footsteps from ours. It's like 7 of us just went out from that class. And it's really bad. Because we've been together for 3 years. All of us. Fifty three of us.

It just feels not right not sitting with Anas in any lab anymore. We always sat together. Since 7th grade. And Tine, well, I've known these two girls my whole life because we happened to be in the same class at kindergarten. We're separated at primary. And met again at junior high. And separated, again, now. I don't remember half of my kindergarten days but I remember their faces and some of their names. I remember it's Tine's birthday and she invited the whole class. So my parents drove me there but then we got lost because my parents didn't know the way. But then again, I don't know how, I arrived at her house. And we partied and took pictures and I don't really remember the rest of it anymore. But I remember her. My childhood is kinda blur to me but I remember some crazy things. Alright, it's not important. Next partt.

I am going to miss Wilbert. In fact, I miss him already. He and Vinson will not be sitting in front of me anymore because he's gonna move to another class and Vinson, since Wilbert had alrdy moved, will also move. Seriously, I thought I won't be missing him coz we rarely talked. But now, I feel so sad that he's not here with us anymore. Because he chose to not be in the same class with us. :((((

Thankyou for being together for these 3 years. Thankyou for still being together through the happiness, sadness, galauness, alayness, lebayness, jayusness. Thankyou for being the best classmates ever. Thankyou for the best 3 years. Thankyou thankyou thankyou. <3

Anywayssss, word of the month in the class : jayus (adj) : trying to make a joke but failed. Lol.

The point is that I love everybody of them - okay, I sound A LOT like Miss Ani. And I will always do. X-2 FOREVAHHHHH! #alayness

lots of loveeee,
xxxxx

ps. I think I'm gonna post it now. It's been 2 weeks since I typed this post and I only saved it as draft because I thought it was so ga nyambung. But it's okay, it's my blog anyways. Heheheheh

Milky Way

Tell me did you sail across the sun

Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded

And that heaven is overrated 

Tell me did you fall for a shooting star

One without as permanent scar

And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

I miss you. xx

HELLO JULY

Well, hi! :)
HELLLLLLLLLOOOO JULLLLYYYY! :D:D
I just opened my school's website. But then I get bored so I planned to answer some random quiz. But then I'm not in the mood soooooooo......... I will finally type a decent post (or maybe not decent at all :P) on this blog.

Anyway, it's July already!!! Time flies so fast. Believe it or not, I didn't do anything this holiday. It's not like I have to do anything. But I'm just so unproductive. I mean seriously, all I do is: 1) sleep. 2) eat. 3) online. 4) watch dvd. 5) shower. 6) online again. 7) eat again. 8) sleep again. 9) do everything all over again. Like zombies. But zombies don't go online. And they don't shower.

Well, the good thing is that school is starting alreadyyy. In 6 days. I'm so excited. And I should be happy now right? Holiday is so boring, I could literally be hibernating but I didn't coz I had internet. And since I'm back to the Gourmet Ranch mode, I have to update my Gourmet Ranch friggin everyday. Blame my boredom. *le sigh* This has got to stop once school starts. Gray skirts here I cooommeee. ps. The skirt is super ugly.


I miss my long hair. :( It's so short now, I can't curl it. :(:(

Corpus starts today. Which means YAYYY! Should be there at three. I really wish my teachers for this semester aren't the horror ones. Like for example, Miss Indah. I'm GE1 already btw. Hehehehehe.

A random fact about me: I reeeaaaaalllly like everybody calling me vina. Vina. Vina. Vina. Vina. HAHAHAHAHA. No, I'm not being narcissistic. Okay, maybe a little. But I reaaaalllly love it. It's not me who shortens my name. I guess Cindy or idk lah. It just feeeels ...... I don't know, personal? It makes me feel happy at some point. HA! Now I'm being narcissistic. 

Okay then.

xx

ps. Cindy and Angela are home alreadyyyyyyyyyyy. YAYYY! 

I Should Have

Ugghh. You know what, don't even talk to me about the shitty farewell party anymore. I'm not interested anymore.

You know, I've never said this out loud before - except when I'm alone or with my mom and sisters - but I envy them. Them as in the other classes. I mean we have 16 classes of junior 3 over here in Sutomo. Don't be surprised. I envy the ones that have parties or sleepovers or even hangouts or whatever. It's not like I do did those things with my classmates. It hurts so much that just by looking at their pictures, made me wanna kill somebody. And yes, I should stop torturing myself by looking at their pictures. Okay, maybe not that creepy but whatever. We can always exaggerate, right? :P

Anyway, I planned on working at Cindy's mom's stall. Well, like I said, I planned. We planned, actually. Cynthia and I. Hehehehehe Our plans didn't work out. Instead of working, we strolled around the place and shopped. I found rings on sale and I cannot help but to check them outttt. Grrrr. Instead of earning money, I spent even much more money. Oh well. But it was an okay day. Daripada tiduran terus di rumah......

It's the four of the dresses that I like from the Met Gala. I know, I know. I'm so not up to date but whatever, I feel like sharing. Hehehehe.
ps. I should have transferred to another class from the beginning. It's not like I'm important to them anyway.

xx.

S-U-C-K-Y

Heyo.

I so want something right now. A farewell party, graduation party, whatever party, shitty party. Pffffttttt. The thing isssssss my class is so sucky. It is even worse than the suckiest class in the world, which makes it the suckiest class in the world. Sorry but it is the fact. Well, maybe not THAT bad. But stillll. And forgive me for the extreme font size changes. The point is thaaaaaat I want a farewell party - even though, it's not really a good-bye-my-dear-classmate-I-am-gonna-miss-you-so-much party cause we're still going to be in the same class for about one or two months. But whateverrrrr. I want want want want. I so hate the fact that I'm so busy doing nothing. Uggggghhhhh.

FINE.

xxxxxxxxx
I wanna hug someone, anyone right now.
Throw a grenade at me. Nobody's going to catch anyway.
ps. Sorry for the the amount of the word 'suck(y)' as noun/adj/v :P

Annoyed

Don't read this stuff, or you'll die of boredom.


UMMMM. Let me be blunt here.

First of all, you should know that I don't like to be owned. Means that, you, whoever you are, can not tell me what I should or not do. AND you also don't have the right to tell me not to do things you don't like, unless I asked your opinion. Like what people said, Sagittarius wants freedom. I cannot just let people tell me what I should or shouldn't do and let them blame everything on me. Can't you just let me do what I wanna do? I want to be free. I am a teenager. I want to explore the world outside the one I'm having right now. Can't I?

Okay. The next thing is that, look, I'm just trying to help my friends. So I am being very kind to everyone, is that wrong? So according to you, I am too kind helping those my so-called friends and I forgot about you? Ohmygod, come one, are you serious bro? I am trying to help. I literally do what I could do. I am really trying to help. I even help the ones I don't like, duh. Is that a sin, helping people? And even if that's a sin, I would still do it. Maybe it's in my blood, I'm a busybody. And maybe sometimes I'm nosy, always want to know others problems. But I care. I want to help them, if there's anything I could do to help, I would do it. And I admit that I am sometimes too sensitive, or maybe too not sensitive. I care about them, the people who's always been there for me when my bad and happy times. You know, I remember all the small details. All the small sweet things they said to me, I never forgot about it. All I ever want to do is to help them back.

All I was saying is that you cannot tell me who I can help or who I cannot help. I am annoyed, end of story.



Okay, I know that doesn't make any sense.

I felt like I've been used by someone to get what he wanted. Well, I was angry. In fact, I am still angry. I spilled everything out here because I knew he would read it. And I hope he understands and changes his attitude. I am helping him. But if he doesn't, what can I do? It's his choice. And I don't blame him, really. As long as he's happy, I'm happy. He's been such a good friend to me. I don't want to ruin everything just because of one tiny problem.

I have been all grumpy since afternoon but then I went to corpus and I can't help but to be happy cause I realized that there will always be some people who will just cheer me up when I'm not in my best mood. I love them. <3

Saturday Thoughts

Have you ever felt like you're not important, like even how hard you try, you will never ever be important? Yea whatever. Everybody has their own secrets. And so do I.

I've lost myself. And no matter how hard I try, I'm never gonna get back that part of me.

source 

That awkward moment when you see Bibble and realize how cute HE is and you're like

and then you're gonna dance to the song like

and then you realize you're addicted to Barbie and try to find out more about it

and you think you need to post this to your blog so that the whole world knows.

Yep, fella, believe it or not, Alpina cici is actually addicted to Barbie. You who wish to buy me the DVDs may contact me on this blog. KTHXBYE.

At some point, I miss my old life. I still want to play with my plastic cooking kit. I still want to go to ajep's house to have tuition together, worrying that his dogs might be chasing me. I still want to hug my Minnie (I still do till now) and have the thought that I can take Minnie to ajep's house to wed my Minnie and his Mickey. I still want to be that little kid. 

I showed this to A. And he said, "One day, we will. I promise."

I'm glad I found you. 

xx,

loves.

Hi. If you don't feel like reading, just skip the post. I'm on my talkative mood.

Okay, let's just not talk about how mad I was this evening. I will not mention names here, you know, just in case they open this blog. K, so this morning, woke up at 5 to study but sadly, blackout, so I just continued sleeping till mom woke me up. Then go to school, have a little gathering before exams, my apology to Roy and Jessie for not being able to teach them. I promised them the previous day but due to the blackoutttt, and I haven't actually studied yet, so yea, sorrrryyyy :3

Eco was fine though I regret being so careless that I got one mistake. Damn it. I actually really had the chance to get 100. :( English is super not fine. Pretty difficult, I got 3 mistakes. So, I actually am not sad or what. Instead, I feel proud of myself coz I did it all by myself. No cheating, no asking others' answers. Yeayyy. Spend some time alone with him, that just feels good. Then I went home, being an unproductive blogger since I didn't know what to type. Went to corpus at 3.30. And there you go, the judgmental people these days.

I don't know what people talk about behind my back. But now and then, I understand, people in this world spread hatred, not love, even me. I hate this, I hate that, I hate her, I hate him. What I actually mean by hate is that if that person isn't nice to me, I'll consider I hate him/her. Simple. ;) I don't really hate people though. Just because I said that I hate him or her doesn't mean that I really do hate them. I like them but it's just I don't know them well enough to actually like them. Just like what James said, it sounds good. :P

As you know (or you might not know), I am now in a relationship w/ someone. He is the someone I've been with the past three months. I know, it's not a long time, we're still trying to figure things out. (: I have only actually known him for a few months and we got closer since the Halloween party. I am happy. Or at least I think I am. He made the past three months memorable. We actually planned to hide this from everybody. Well, now that everybody knows, they are happy for us. Or were happy for us. I don't understand what suddenly changes their mind. All I know is that they said it was too fast and stuff. You know what, I was so mad at first, but then, I remembered what Miss Errie told me when I told her about me being in a relationship. She said,"It's good. Yea, good. You should enjoy it.". And it's true. We're only young once. It doesn't matter. You'll laugh at all of these when you're older, trust me. You will reminisce everything and smile so beautifully when you remember your high school, your teenage years.

I told Jessie about it and she said the same thing: If you're happy, so what? Don't care about what others are saying. :)

My point is that I will prove them wrong. :)

xx

We Go Up

Sagittarius Compatibility

Sagittarius-Aries:Aries and Sagittarius pair is sent directly from the heavens. Both of them will keep each other with good humor. Intelligent decisions, mutual agreements and consensus will help them grow the compatibility to new heights. Sagittarius people are very creative and artistic and these two characters can inspire an Aries with lot of energy. Just watch the conversation between an Arian and the Sagittarius person; in fact, both of them are lively and energetic while talking about new ideas and issues. Both of them are very charming and intuitive in the relationship

Sagittarius-Taurus:The Taurus with Sagittarius typifies the romance based on opposites attract. While there are some similar traits that are common to both the zodiac members, there are some severe divergences in their most defining traits. While the Taurus is a calm, balanced and sensible individual, the Sagittarian is most free spirited, energetic and restless. The most major sign of incompatibility is that while the Taurus-born is most likely to be possessive and jealous, the Sagittarius is freedom loving and enjoys his or her space. The protective and somewhat controlling nature of the Taurus can be a serious irritant for their partner.

Sagittarius-Gemini:In terms of zodiac wheel Gemini and Sagittarius are on the opposite sides and as an age old saying both the opposites attract each other a lot. Gemini with Sagittarius believes in giving space in a relationship to their partner and also not tries to become too clingy or pushy. Both the partners in this Gemini with Sagittarius combination doesn’t compress their relation into stale habits and doesn’t also demand emotional commitment. Both the partners in this association follows the style of holding each other loosely as they tend to become philosophical when one of the two partners feel like moving on from the relationship. They might separate many a times but the chances of their reunion remains very bright.

Sagittarius-Cancer:The clashes between Cancer and Sagittarius can be minimized if they both try to understand each other’s nature. Mutual understanding can work wonders for both the sides. This love match can work out, if both make real efforts in a similar direction. They can make a good match only if they accept each other’s faults as well as appreciate their qualities. Sagittarians should become little responsible towards their family and should dedicate more time towards the family matters. This will make Cancer happy. At the same time, Cancer should act little adventurous so that they can make their counterpart happy.

Sagittarius-Leo:Sex is great when these two signs are together as both of them love having fun and live life to the fullest. They can never get bored of each other as they enjoy each other. Leo and Sagittarius are very passionate and ardent which makes them a good team and their strong compatibility will make their relationship flourish. They are energetic and creative together which makes life fun for them. Talking of the negative aspect, Sagittarius does not take feelings and emotions seriously which may hurt Leo’s vulnerable side.

Sagittarius-Virgo:They like to deal with different aspect of life and experience it in full. Virgos like to take it slow and steady, whereas Sagittarius is impatient and likes to speed up things. Their biggest advantage is that both Virgo and Sagittarius are extremely adjusting and cooperating. They are very giving and can do anything to make the other comfortable and happy. Both these signs are filled with self-pride, confidence and dignity. This makes their pair very well bonded and close.

Sagittarius-Libra:For the Libra and Sagittarius couple, there are a fair number of issues to deal with. Firstly, the Sagittarius needs to accept the Libran demand for settlement and consistency. They need to communicate well with the Libran rather than looking for comfort from other sources in times of trouble. On the other hand, the Libra – born should not be anxious about their partner’s commitment to them to the extent of being completely paranoid. Also, both individuals will benefit from a relationship based on mutual gains from adjustment and learning – the Sagittarius can guide the Libran in matters of practical application, while the latter can help their partner with their emotional unavailability and inexpressiveness.

Sagittarius-Scorpio:A lot of people think that the opposite nature of these two zodiac signs, Scorpio, being a water sign and a Sagittarius being the fire sign helps in keeping up the attraction between them alive. It is true to some extent, but it comes at a high cost and is tough to maintain. Scorpio is the ultimate passionate creature and Sagittarius is the epitome of romance. This is definitely an excellent combination but it is not as easy as it sounds. This is because; the basic perspective of relationships is very different for both these signs.

Sagittarius-Sagittarius:The Sagittarius and Sagittarius couple enjoy each other’s company, and share a common passion for adventure as well as an imperative restiveness to travel and explore the world. Small mindedness, on the other hand, is an objectionable trait according to all Sagittarius and all such individuals are regarded as repugnant by them, even if it is their own partner. A Sagittarius couple also shares an inexplicable fervour, an elevated state of mind, and an evolutionary attitude towards life.


Sagittarius-Capricorn:For this unique couple, which is the perfect extrovert with introvert match, the future of their romantic liaison depends on how willing and open both partners are to change. The moody Capricorn is often comes across as a brooding wet blanket to their partner, and the Sagittarius farfetched visions and empty words may be a drain on the former’s patience. While there are areas of conflict, such relationships often progress into stages of mutual gain as both are able to grow as individuals due to association with the other. Thus, it is a fair conclusion that the Sagittarius with Capricorn relationship has the potential to be a long lasting and meaningful journey.

Sagittarius-Aquarius:For the Sagittarius and Aquarius couple it is very important that both partners keep introspecting and reviewing their actions, which is inherently against their nature, to ensure the relationship survives for the long haul. The main reason for problem in this liaison is that the free spirited attitude of both partners may lead to an affair that is very casual, without either individual realizing it. Thus, it is important that both keep on analyzing where they are headed as a couple and what the future is likely to be. Thereafter, these feelings need to be communicated to the partner so that a mutual understanding is established as how things should progress.

Sagittarius-Pisces:Sagittarius and Pisces pairing of two different zodiac signs is actually the romantic pairing of two very different, changeable and curious individuals. Both Sagittarius and Pisces meet each other sincerely with positive attitude towards love and open to each other for showing an altogether new world of romantic experiences. While Sagittarius flirt directly with their partner, the Pisces feels startled with the over the top romantic behaviour of their Sagittarian partner. The friendly behaviour and trustworthiness of a Sagittarian helps in bringing out the spontaneous attitude of Pisces so that they can part actively in the game of dating. The dating experience of this odd couple can actually be fun if both the partners make most out of their romantic evening no matter where they are heading for. 

Copied from Zodiac Facts

Hello hey hi!

So, how are you guys? Me? Great, wonderful. Life's been treating me good. Perfect friends, perfect boyfie, it's just perfect. Well, still have some things in my mind, but I'm sure everything will be just fine when its time has come. 

Exam is in three days and I haven't prepared much. Tuition scheduled even on Sunday. That doesn't help much. Well, that's okay. I love going to tuition though. :p Andrew, Jessie and everybody. :p

I've been following ZodiacFacts twitter account and I always scroll down her page whenever I have time. Favorited some of her tweets.

Random cropping.

Dear A,

I know this first month doesn't go very well. With people and stuff. But we'll fix it. Because I really want things to work. I really like you. Please promise me that you'll never leave me, that you'll stay even when things get hard and don't turn out good. I'm not promising you a perfect relationship. But as long as you're trying, I'm staying. :)

Have a good night peeps. 

xx