Shattered

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding

Fall into your sunlight

The future's open wide, beyond believing

To know why, hope dies

Losing what was found, a world so hollow

Suspended in a compromise

The silence of this sound, is soon to follow

Somehow, sundown

And finding answers

Is forgetting all of the questions we called home

Passing the graves of the unknown

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading

Illusions of the sunlight

And a reflection of a lie, will keep me waiting

With love gone, for so long

And this day's ending

Is the proof of time killing, all the faith I know

Knowing that faith, is all I hold

And I've lost who I am, and I can't understand

Why my heart is so broken, rejecting your love

Without, love gone wrong, lifeless words carry on

But I know, all I know, is that the end's beginning

Who I am from the start, take me home to my heart

Let me go and I will run, I will not be silent

All this time spent in vain, wasted years, wasted gain

All is lost, hope remains, and this war's not over

There's a light, there's the sun, taking all shattered ones

To the place we belong, and his love will conquer all

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding

Fall into your sunlight

How could one feel so sorry but kept on making the same mistakes over and over again?

Yes I miss you, my annoying peanut. It felt so good talking to you again. :)

Eeeeeeeeek-cited

Hi.
I have basically so much good news (of myself to myself) lol. But since I need to EHM 'study', I'm just going to make this quick and short.

Um finals is in a week. I haven't prepared for anything yet plusssss I kinda suck at everything and plusssssss my usual private tutor is not talking to me (that really sucks, like sooooooo much) and I don't think I could get everything done in time so I started studying early. Um but the very very good news is that after hours and days of persuading my dad *drum rolls pleaseeeee* FINALLYYYYY I'm going to Brastagi. After finals. With my friends (anakeksisbaikhati ftw yay). For a three-day-two-night trip. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYERS! I'm already soooo excited. Imagine the car ride, the selfies in the car ride, the barbeque, the roller coastersssss!! Too bad Aboeng (re: Lydia) is not coming with us. :( But she's going to Shanghai (and I want to go there toooo but my mom said no ugh). So I guess that's all. Hehehe. Okay then. I'm going to 'study'. Bye.
x

Lost In Stereo

Hi again. It's been a while.

#np: All Time Low's - my all time favorite
So my life has gone from drama-like to surprisingly dull this last few weeks. I'm glad. And ok maybe it's been a little bit too mundane for me. I don't do mundane. I do crazy. HA! Anyways, prom is in 2 weeks! Do you think I could handle another two boring weeks?

ps. I think I type a better post when I'm angry. :P
xx

And she says I'm a hypocrite

Wise words to think about: if you love and enjoy it, don't even try to give a damn about what others might say about it. Once you even think about giving a damn, it's gonna crush you like a giant wrecking ball and you're gonna start torturing yourself. And in no time, you will start wondering if the ones who told you they loved you, have ever given a damn about you.

Cheers to more bitchy girls who read this. I hope you have a good life. :))

xx,
Bisous bitchus!

Ps. Just in case you read this (oh I'm pretty much sure you do although you might not understand like half of what I talk about here), please do swing by this blog as often as possible. It kinda increases the number of my pageviews. :)) 

Chin Up

"They told me that to make her fall in love, I had to make her laugh. But every time she laughs, I'm the one who falls in love." - Tommaso Ferraris

Have been smiling for quite some time because of this. Thank you for showing me love and kindness, for being so thoughtful teaching me physics (even if you know I'm going to fail), for being so caring and for still being a good friend even when I'm not being one.

This week sucks. Failed physics. Again. Will probably have my hair cut tomorrow to wash away the bad luck. Lol.

This too shall pass.
xx :)

The Fire's Here To Stay

Throwback to the time when Jess and I were always together and went to YC together. Gawd I miss everything. 

After craft-class with her

25/11/11 :)

9/12/11

hehe 8/3/12

5/3/12

Dear E,

Happy birthday! You are now 17! I wish you the very best for everything in the future. I know we haven't been talking for so long. And I know I was such a bitch back then. I'm so sorry if I have wronged you. I didn't mean to do that, you know. I wish you knew how sorry I was and until the moment I'm typing this, I still am. I hope that you had forgiven me for the horrible things I did to you and if you haven't, then I hope you will. I hope you're happy with your new life now! I still remember that time when I was just so afraid of 'the dog' and you, being you, laughed at me. lol I am just so lucky to have the chance to know you. I guess if I could turn back time, I'd be dumb not to go back to the time when all of those stuffs happened.

My current playlist. Check it out (:

You're my fault, my weakness. When did you turn so cold? No one shakes me like you do, my best mistake was you. Bebe Rexha Feat. Cash Cash - Take Me Home

Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. Sara Bareilles - Gravity

When it's all said and done, you can walk instead of run. Cause no matter what you'll never be alone. Lady Antebellum - Compass

Now everything I do is all for loving you, it's not something that we're used to. Calvin Harris Feat. Ayah Marar - Thinking About You

If you live another day in this happy little house, the fire's here to stay. Amanda Seyfried - Little House

I am fire, you're gasoline, come pour yourself all over me. We'll let this place go down in flames only one more time. Zedd Feat. Hayley Williams - Stay The Night

First time I saw you, I knew right away. Made up my mind, you would be mine someday. Timeflies - All The Way

When you give me that thunder, you make my summer rain. Sevyn Streeter Feat. Chris Brown - It Won't Stop

Cause all of me loves all of you. Love your curves and all your edges. All your perfect imperfections. John Legend - All Of Me

If you pull then I'll push too deep and I'll fall right back to you. Zedd Feat. The Foxes - Clarity

I should be over all the butterflies, but I'm into you. And baby even on our worst nights, I'm into you. Paramore - Still Into You

Till then, fella
xx

Hi. Again.

How silly I was to forget about the actual resolution.
So I guess, this is it

• save up at least half of my salary. I really suck when it comes to money management.
• decide which uni I'll be going to. I've never said this out loud but I'm really worried about my future. I just can't decide anything like what major I'm going to take and whatsoever things. The only thing that I can see is a black hole. So now you see how desperate I am.
• buy more clothes. My wardrobe sucks.
• and books too. If I have the time.
• write down everything in a notebook. I have a lot of notebooks butttt I never have anything to write. 
• I guess study hard should still be on the list.
• stay fit and healthy. I know this is like the lamest resolution ever but I should really take care of myself.
• don't eat too much of anything. Once I ate too much chocolate (on my birthday) and then I got sick 6 hours later.
• try to at least update once in a month. I know I'm going to be very busy but I should really post something. This blog is literally already dead. 
• And most importantly, be nice to everybody. I'll try. :p

That's it I guess for now. Corpus will open in 2 days and school's starting in 4 days. I guess I'd better make the most of tomorrow. Pft.

And yes, I almost forgot, happy birthday Janet!

xxxx

Two-Zero-One-Four

Now hi again.

I know I have abandoned this blog for gawdknowshowlong. Now I know nobody reads this except maybe some of the people who just happen to stumble upon my blog. No worries, I'm here for my new year resolution! But before that:

#np: The Neighbourhood - Sweater Weather
In 2013, did you…
Fall in love with someone that was just a friend?

yea, I guess.

Lose any friends?

nope.
Make any new friends?

a lot, actually.
Make any new enemies?

I hope not.
Do anything you regret?

I don't think so. But yolo, remember? So no regrets.
Go to any parties?

yea, some cool parties.

Make much money?

Not THAT much but for me, it's more than enough although I kinda spent way too much of it.
Attend a wedding?

One or two, I don't remember.
Attend a funeral?

yea, gram's.
Get any new family members?

One or two nieces or nephews.
Get into a verbal fight?

yes, I should admit I was really childish but I'm just gonna put that in the past.
Get into a physical fight?

nooo
Attend any sporting events?

none. I've never really been into sports.
Get arrested?

Do I look like a criminal?
Wreck your car?

um don't have a car.
Make any big purchases?

not really.
Learn anything?

a lot. And I'm not talking about school stuff.
Dump your bf/gf?

no
Get dumped by your bf/gf?

no
Develop any new health problems?

I hope not. I'm not one of those health-freaks but I've been eating healthy (or I guess I had)
Change as a person?

I did. Good and bad.
Get any new piercings?

no, so far I only have ear-piercing.
Get any new tattoos?

noo
Attend a concert?

nope.
Start to resent something or someone that you used to like?

yea, you can say that.

In 2013, how many….
Different places did you work?

Only one.
Times did you go out drinking?

Not even once.

Times did you go to the movies?

A few times but not that many times. Around 5 or 6 times.
People did you make out with?

um none.
People asked you out?

It's been a really um quiet year on that department.

Crushes did you have?

I guess one (?) That was ..... embarrassing. :p

In 2013, what was….
Your favorite day of the year?

Favorite day? I guess my birthday? :p I always love birthdays.
Your favorite band?

A lot actually. But the Script has been on my playlist for like more than a year.
Your least favorite day of the year?

A lot actually. When I had the terrible fever on my birthday. What could be possibly worse than that?
Your favorite movie?

Catching Fire is awesomeeeeee.
Your favorite song of the year?

There were a lottttt. Can't mention it one by one. But right at this moment Counting Stars by OneRepublic!
Something that didn’t change at all this year?

Height, hair style, phone too.
Your favorite holiday?

Summer break. Went to Taiwan with my family and Cindy's family. It was really fun.

Misc. questions about 2013
Were you in a hospital this year?

no.
Were you in an ambulance this year?

nope.
Did you make any big confessions in ‘13?

Nothing big.
What’s the best thing to happen to you this year?

I guess my friends are. :)
Did you vote this year?

Noooo. Hopefully next year. :(
Did you bring sexy back this year?

Nah no :))
Was 2013 a great year, an average year or a bad year?

I think it's been a great year and I still don't want it to end yet.

Looking back to my last year's resolutions:

• study harder <<<< HAHAHA failed successfully. Eleventh grade's materials are hard as shit.
• save up some money ><<< I did try to save since I've started working but you know what happened to me when I saw sth really cute but I still managed to save up a really little amount of money. Well at least I tried. :p
• get a new Minnie Mouse for myself <<<< totally forgot about it until this moment.
• finish reading all the books I bought and borrowed ><<< finished 3 out of 10 :)) I just didn't have THAT much time between studying and teaching. 
• finish watching all my DVDs and tv series >><< good news is that I finished Gossip Girl just in time before new year's eve. :p As for DVDs I'm still trying to finish 'em.
• update this blog more often. <<<< failed this one too successfully. I barely had time to scroll through blogs.
• be productive. >>>> I'm totally productive this year. Student council, prom, teacher's day, A LOT :D:D
• be nice to everyone, literally. >><< can't say I didn't try but some people are just annoying as hell.
• practice guitar! <<<< I barely touched my guitar since May. Let alone practice.
• make something DIY-ed. <<<< except you count our movie project as DIY then I had none.
• decorate my bedroom. <<<< HAH thbis is embarrassing but I'm still sleeping with my mom and that bedroom of mine ( and my sisters') is pretty much not occupied.
• style my hair a little bit differently from last year. <<<< can't risk it :p
• practice my English. >><< my writing still sucks and so does my speaking. But I guess teaching kinda improves my English. 
• grab every chance I have and take risks; cherish every second of my life >><< didn't exactly cherish every second of my life but I am grateful for so many things this year had offered me. :)
• teach at Corpus. >>>< I made it! :) I kinda regret it coz it did affect my studies. But I enjoy it. :D

I'm not gonna make that long speech like I did every year. I'm just gonna sleep. This holiday has been reaaaaally boring. But before that,

* I learn how to drive. Took a five-day driving lesson. Can't say I nailed it. Still need to practice. Like a lot.

* After thinking about it over and over again, I decided to still teach at corpus. Because

* I'm going back to Budy's ifyouknowwhatimean :p But pft I'm gonna need to reschedule everything because of budy's schedule. That sucks.

* Finished GossipGirl, like I said just now. The finale is awesome. <3<3<3

* my report. Is going to be the worst report I'll ever have. I think I failed math. It's terrible.

I really wish this year would be awesome. And please don't disappoint me, 2014! 

See you when I see you.

Much love

xx <3

Happy birthday darling!

Happy birthday my other half! 

I'm not the kind of person who can make a really good speech (in case you haven't known already), but I'd just really like to say happy birthday to her. I have known her my whole life. Literally. She is like the older sister I never had. She understands me, just when I thought no one could. Unlike others, she understands my complicated ways of telling things. I tell her things I cannot even imagine telling anyone about. She cares. She loves me (i know you do huehehe). And most importantly, she is now seventeen!!! Which means having driving license, ktp, pemilu and whatsoever things I still cannot do or have. 

I know that I'm just the worst friend ever for not making you any surprise (or birthday gifts personally from me for that matter), but I just want her to know that I love her with all my heart. Although at the same time, I also want to eat her alive. I hope that this birthday you have a blast (although you did already have a blast). 

Cheers to our never-lasting friendship and many more birthdays to come.

With love,

your best friend ever.

Scrt mssg

I think if life separates us and we end up in totally different places, well I'll remember this period of time. And I'll be thankful for that. And I hope that wherever you are, you'll be thankful too. And I think that's the best we can wish for.

It's been like what? Two years? And I think until this very moment, I still cherish everything I had with you. I'm also very grateful to have known you in my life. So I guess I just want to say I'm happy if you're happy too. Good for you. :)

xx

If I Die Young

Hello.

Isn't this little creature the cutest?

Visited this little coffee shop called Mixed Cafe.

And ps. my legs look really ... um terrifyingly huge but long (?) lol ok stop

I know you miss me. :p

I've finished my second monthly test and I'm pretty sure I failed all subjects, except for English, Mandarin and Bahasa. You know, I kinda regret taking science but now that I think of it, I will probably regret taking social class too as I don't like those Geography or Economics or Accounting or whatsoever related to the subjects (or not). I took science class because I know I don't like those social-based issues. But I don't like science subjects as well. It's just I find it hard to perceive even the most rudimentary thing about all those subjects.

Or maybe it's only a pretext that I made up, a plethora of alibis. Just because I'm too exhausted of all these pointless lessons that I'm sure I will not need.

So life has been exhausting as you know that I made an intrepid decision to teach. I found it hard at first as I did not have much experience about teaching other than teaching my friends or sisters. I was laconic at first, explaining grammar and reading texts briefly and explaining the meaning of hard words I don't know the bahasa by gesticulating wildly, hoping they would understand, whereas my students were reticent, as I was still a newbie there. Now I am always irate because now they are being so sluggish as they keep on talking to each other, or to me for that matter, badgering me with questions unrelated to the subject they're learning about. Often I need to cajole them into doing their work. Some of them are extremely adroit while some of them are just not so bright in English. Perhaps for some teachers it's hapless when you got those students under your watch ( actually it is too, for me ), but it's my job to enhance their basic skill of English. I am vigilant that I may seem like a wicked felon to them, but like all other teachers, I just want them to be able to use English properly. (hoek HAHA ok stop)

Guess what I just made a paragraph by using 15 from 20 vocabs that I should be learning as I will have a vocab review this Thursday. You might want to ignore some of the inappropriate usage of vocab as I place them very randomly all over the paragraph. Gosh I sound like a bitch.

Anyways, not that it's important but I have this weird thing that every time I want to talk about something I just can't get it out of my mind. And it's just stuck there. That's probably why I haven't felt like blogging this whole time. Also because I'm soooo tired of school and teaching and whatsoever torture I have in my current life. And oh, the damn short movie my friends and I made for our music class. Actually I made it and my friends acted in it. It took like a month but we didn't get a really satisfying score so it's like so very pointless that I want to stab the teacher's back with a knife. Wow okay that was something.

You're probably wondering where I have been. Well I've been preoccupied by these 3 guys (belle, cs, dro) who took most of my free time because they're just that awesome and fabulous and I love them and stuff oh whatever oh I mope. And hey, it's exactly a month since my last post. Typing feels weird. Yep.

And yes, this post is a very random one - I know that. But I've been crying my eyes out since yesterday because:
1. Bonnie's funeral or memorial is just so HEARTBREAKING. AND I HATE JEREMY FOR THAT.
2. FINN HUDSONNNNNNNNNNNNNN :'(
3. My life.
Now do you see why I've been grieving and crying and I just can't stop. It's really tiring to cry all day long and my eyes were swollen and got all puffy. Now I've got something to make you cry as well.

Now watch and weep. The first is Bonnie's memorial which happened to be so damn emotional that I cried right before I need to go to corpus yesterday. The second and the last are my favorite grieve songs now.

This one sucks. Check this one out instead. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGJV-dmLWNU&feature=youtube_gdata

This month has been hectic and tiring.

But as always, I know I'll be alright.

ps. Thanks to someone for always believing in me, even when I can't believe in myself anymore.

Till later

xx

ps. Happy early Halloween. #Spookytown #spookylife

For All Eternity

I just really need to post this now.

Blaine : "We met right here. I took this man's hand and we ran down that hallway, and for those of you that know me know that I'm not in the habit of taking people's hand that I've never met before, but I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn't know yet. It knew that our hands were meant to hold each other fearlessly and forever, which is why it's never really felt like I've been getting to know you, it's always felt like I was remembering you from something, as if in every lifetime that you and I have ever lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love, all over again, over and over, for all eternity and I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime because all I wanna do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me? 

Kurt : "Yes."

AAAAAA I'm literally being all teary during this scene. Do check the video out in a few days.

500 Miles

No one ever seemed to be scared of losing me, but that was before you came to my life. :)

Returning from cs' house for movie-making.

We are the crazy people. 

Cloud 999

HAHAHHAHAHHHHAHA

At thamrin before watching smurfs 2

We know we're ohsuhm

Mana lebih jelek?

Indoor and outdoor. And btw, I love my not-so-new dreamcatcher necklace. Hehehehe

My annoying yet cute cousin. 

"Because I know it's always been you all along."

I swear we did not have any intention to wear the same t-shirt. We just happen to show up wearing the same hush puppies shirts, only in different colour.

But I would walk 500 miles
And I would walk 500 more
Just to be the man who walked 1000 miles
To fall down at your door

till then.

xx

911

I've had enough shit for today, so I'm just gonna count my blessings.
What makes me happy?
Seeing my family

What makes me laugh all the time?
My classmates

What makes me feel excited?
Celebrating birthdays

What makes me scary?
Teaching

What makes me feel loved?
Talking to you

What makes me feel like it's not the end of the world?
Listening to your voice

It sums up everything perfectly.

Bye for now.
xx

Kambing Jantan

"Aku berantakan kalo ga ada kamu."
:)

Daily Dose of Craziness

Hi. It's been a long time. It feels so good to finally type again. Hahaha.

So, let me see. I've finished my exam. Holiday has started. And um I'm busy. Pft. Hell busy. And I'm leaving to Taiwan tomorrow. Gawd, I need my holiday. But of course, before that I still need to work my ass off until the day before I leave. And now you wonder what the hell I have been doing for the past 2 weeks.

Oh, yea, I am a member of the student council which is good, really, beside the fact that I should come to school to help the admin staff. We, osis members, were asked to help the new students fill the the identification forms (there are 5 of it for gawd's sake). So I came to school at 7 for the first week of my holiday. And as for the second week, I am busy preparing myself to be a teacher. Yes, you read that right. Don't be THAT shocked. I can be a pretty good teacher. lol Sir Franky asked me last year and I said I'd think about it. And then two weeks ago when I came to corpus, he suddenly asked me again about his offer, so I just said yes. And I started the training directly the next day. So I have been going to corpus a lot lately to join the class observation with different teachers so that I can learn from them. Well, I was offered to teach the Basic English classes. I don't know if I can do it, but I'll try. Some of the teachers I have already known support me, which is really nice of them.

Some pictures of me enjoying my life for the last 3 months. :)

mom's

my cousin's wedding :D

Prom :D I know I look like pft dont even get me started bout that.

 

with Tomy Spy B)

Thea-ci Jessy-Jess

Me-ci jessy

Wilbert-me

Thea-ci angel-jessica-me

Jess-Hawdy-me

Thea-me-Jo-Jess-Linny 

ps. finally, a decent picture with him -,-

me-ko Ronny-Jess

Thea-Jess-Bang Aldy-me

why is this one so blur.......

ci jessy-linny-ci jac-me-jess-thea

jess-me-ci catherine-thea

Cutest kid ever. Like literally. He's my baby cousin btw. :D

that's my baby! :D

With grandma. :)

These two cutie are my cousins.

Joined the parade to welcome the mayor or what

From my conversation class and Miss Catherine! Thankyou guys. :D

thea-jess-belle-gio-me-miss cath-jessica-jessy-adika

Belle-Miss Cath-me

Sooo gonna miss her. :)

My aunt's place

Handi's early birthday surprise! Happy birthday Mr.R! :P

Jess' b'day! Happy birthday Jess Darling! :D

Apparently, I'm the shortest. k.

Last few days of our class X.

jessie-belle-ignore the girl lol-calvin-inzie-me-hendro

I just love them to their bones. #love

dro-cs-zie-belle-yot-me

Jess and I after our recording session with the group.

Imma a cat woman. And oh, have I ever mentioned that I love cats? And kittens, defly! :D :D <3

Hey look, I've finally changed my pics background :D 

thanks to Angela

cynthia-me-jescelyn :)

Went to sun for a movie with them. Now You See Me is cool!

Kimberly-Richard-Jescelyn-Cynthia-Me-Cindy-Daisy-Angela and Alfred who's taking the picture. 

ps. and finally, a decent picture with him too. :D

There's just so much to do.

But don't worry. I'll be just fine. :)

Till then.

xxxx :)